I should be so lucky.

I miss the East Coast winters. I never lived far north enough to despise the winter months the way some folks do -- folks who suffer from seven months frozen earth and the kind of ice storms that render entire counties powerless for days, and whose spring is known only as "mud season." In southern Connecticut, it would snow several times every winter, but snow storms were often few and far between. I can count on one hand the times the snow fell hard enough to be waist-deep. We had fewer white Christmases than rainy ones. And snow days were rare enough that they remained special, the eternal hope of homework procrastinators.

There's foliage in Napa that I didn't expect. The vines turn brilliant colors, and the vineyard expanses are...well, they're gorgeous. Winding through Napa's highways is not as traditional as driving up the Merritt Parkway and through New England's autumnal glory, but it's pretty spectacular. If West Coast travel and winemaking had been part of the American landscape 100 years ago, Currier & Ives would have had much to capture. But I guess that's the point. This Napa wasn't here 100 years ago.

Regardless, it doesn't snow and won't snow and winters -- while chilly -- won't ever quite be the same as they were in Connecticut. But that doesn't mean I won't make them as homey as possible.

These photos are of Eve and Ish, just before we left to get our first "family" Christmas tree.

UPDATE: Right after I finished this post, ANOTHER Christmas movie starring Peter Falk came on. This one involves Katy Segal and she and not-Columbo are both some sort of Angel-God-Santa characters, but it's tough to figure out on mute while paying mostly no attention. But I am mentioning this because, for some reason, Peter Falk's character decided to pretend to be a shopgirl and DRESS IN DRAG and what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't take a picture of my television to show you this Christmas marvel?




I feel like I've blogged this before, but when my sister and her boyfriend were in high school, they developed a certain way of saying this phrase. Basically, say it as loud and snottily as possible: 'TIS THE SEASON. Emphasis on 'TIS. This comes in handy when someone is especially rude to you while you're doing (or trying to do) something festive. Say you're somewhere Christmas shopping, and someone cuts you off in line, or blows past you as you reach for the door. 'TIS the season!

I'm not NOT in a festive mood, it's just that I haven't decorated the house or gotten a tree or any of those things. And while it's only December 2, I feel behind. Because one day behind soon becomes one week. You know.

So I'm debating how this blog entry will go. I could tell you about how I cried at lunch with Ish yesterday because of a perfectly happy friendly email I received. Or I could tell you instead about the amazing array of holiday movies on the Hallmark channel. As I write t his very sentence, Peter Falk is singing and dancing a jazzy Christmas tune with a toothy pre-teen girl in some horrible movie where Valerie Bertinelli plays her mom and works at a hospital and believes in a ghost. How these things are connected eludes me, and I'm going back to DVR'd episodes of Supernanny now.

But in case you weren't paying attention to my Tweets, I've also landed on a Christmas movie starring Steve Guttenberg AS THE LOVE INTEREST, who is marrying Crystal Bernard (who I always thought was totally hot, but man, she's had some work done) and somehow they're becoming Santa and Mrs. Claus.

Then there was the one that made me laugh right out loud for its horrible-osity, the one starring Candace Cameron and Tom Arnold, I'm not even kidding, and I LOVE movies that take place in office buildings written by someone who's NEVER had a corporate job. I'm always reminded of Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion where they pretend to be businesswomen but get thrown for a loop when the waitress asks them what kind of business they're in.

In this movie where Candace is supposed to be a high-powered corporate woman, written in 2007 no less, she is showing a "client" a slide show but the projector she's using is one of those old-fashioned ones with actual slides and a carousel. Also, she is supposed to say "Celtic" like with a hard C, except she pronounces it like the basketball team and no one working on this movie seemed to know the difference. ALSO also, she uses the word "arithmetic" instead of math, which makes me think the person who wrote the script is not so much under the age of 65.

It also makes me think I should be writing these movies.

BUT THE BEST MOVIE ever is one starring -- I don't even know how to prepare you for this -- Jane Kaczmerek and John Denver. I KNOW!

Damn it. I lied. I didn't go back to Supernanny in time, and now Peter Falk is wearing a bushy mustache (he was facial hair-free last we saw him) hugging some guy. Maybe he's Santa? Or God? Or an angel? I'm just guessing here, based on how these movies go, but I'm keeping the computer mute. Poor Columbo.

* * * * * * * *

Yesterday I got the friendliest email ever from a woman helping manage Crazy Aunt Purl's virtual book tour. Seems our dear Laurie has written a second book and it's coming out soon and this woman wanted to know if I would like to review the book and interview Laurie (or have her guest blog). And of course, OF COURSE I would, happily, yes.

But ouch, too.

Purl and I started blogging at about the same time, had similar audiences and (I presume) traffic. We wrote about similar things: living single post-divorce, with cats and yarn. And wine. We even sort of look alike.

And here we are, nearly five years later. We are both in verrrrrrrry different places. It's amazing. I am happy with what I've accomplished and I'm thrilled with where I am in life. It's exactly where I wanted to be.

But -- and you know what I'm going to say, of course -- I can't pretend it doesn't make me envious that she's written two books while I can't manage to complete NaBloPoMo.

Yes. We have had different priorities, different paths, different goals, different experiences. And my goodness, I would never, ever say one single negative thing about Laurie, who is still my favorite blogger.

Some of the comedians who started their stand-up career at the same time Ish did are now headlining at The Punchline and getting gigs on Comedy Central. He's performed with dozens of folks who've managed to get on television (Letterman, Ferguson, Last Comic Standing, etc). Assuming he's every bit as talented as these folks (and I do believe he is), there are many reasons he hasn't advanced as they have. Different priorities, different paths, different goals, different experiences.

But I know how he feels when he's been asked to open for one of these guys. Or worse, when he's been asked to help promote one of their shows. He doesn't begrudge them their comedic success. He gives them a good show, and is thankful for the opportunity -- glad he was on the radar screen at all. But sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow.

And that's how it felt yesterday when I received the email. I am proud to be on the radar screen (thank you to whoever recommended me, by the way!), and am happy to help Purl/Laurie in any way I can. I absolutely want her book to do well and would buy a copy if I weren't being sent a copy for review (just as I bought her first one -- in fact, I'd pre-ordered it).

I think you get what I'm saying, though. It's hard for this NOT to be a reminder of what I haven't done. And what I'm not doing and what I could have done already and -- scariest of all -- I'm not sure I will ever be able to do.

Which I will totally get over. Look for more info about the book and tour in Jan & Feb.

In the meantime, I have to get back to ignoring this Hallmark movie while playing peek-a-boo with a fauxhawked baby.

(And by the way? Who was letting Valerie feather her hair in 2003!?!? 'TIS THE SEASON!)

Labels: Crazy Aunt Purl, TIS THE SEASON

Well, so I've been busy.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, we spent the afternoon with out-of-town guests.

"Out-of-town guests" is easier than randomly launching into the story of how my cousin is married to my other cousin who isn't really my cousin but may as well be. It deserves exposition.

Then Wednesday night, we started in with the casserole cooking and turkey brining and setting up rented equipment for the holiday weekend.

I finally figured out a table solution. I did end up using the runner (even though it didn't extend to the add-on leaves). I also found some mini-apples at Whole Foods and cut some hydrangeas from our yard, and everything looked simple and lovely.




I rented a buffet table for the food itself, adorned with some Bartlett pears, extra mini-apples, and vases full of vines I clipped from outside.


Once everything was set to go, the rest of the weekend was a blur.

We hosted three couples (one with a three-year-old boy) and between food and wine and a baby, I'm not sure how anything got done at all on Thanksgiving. Eve melted down right as we were trying to get dinner on the table, and it took everyone's help to get the food out and kept relatively warm. Eventually, Eve just fell asleep in a sling while I was sitting at the table.

The food was good. I did some hybrid turkey prep that turned out just fine. I brined the turkey using Whole Foods brine mix and the directions on the brining bag box (from Williams-Sonoma). I then cooked the turkey to Alton Brown (Food Network)'s specifications, using Giada's recommendations for aromatics inside the bird and her butter blend for outside (instead of Alton's plain ole canola oil). It was the easiest combination of instructions I could find and felt comfortable trying.

The stuffing was great. I highly recommend adding bourbon-soaked dried cherries. (Thanks, Ms. Txsjewels.)

Some short time after dinner, we danced to Into the Mystic, as it was playing on our record player.

Some longer time after dinner, there was some bourbon and a holiday viewing of Die Hard.

The next morning was a crazy assortment of kids and breakfast and dish-washing, while guests went from pajamas to clothes in time for Ish's family's arrival. And then we spent the rest of the weekend with his parents, his sister, her husband, and their two kids (aged 8 and 5).

We mostly hung around and ate and worked on jigsaw puzzles. There was a lot of football watching, but I was fairly oblivious.

Saturday was incredibly windy, and our backyard fence blew down. Our neighbor came over almost immediately to say that she'd be having it repaired (apparently, it's their fence and their responsibility, so okay!). The guys were out there working on it yesterday and today.



And that's the weekend round-up.

I finished all my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving, but I am only about 3/4 way through wrapping, and have barely begun to figure out shipping it all. On the one hand, I'm psyched to have it all done. On the other hand, I hate missing out on all the Cyber Monday fun.

OH! And? For those of you not on Twitter, WHAT THE HELL?

I mean, well, let me start this way: My sister and her husband are currently separated. (That's very weird to write.) She is living in a short-term rental house in MA, and the house does not have any sort of Internet connectivity. My sister doesn't feel she needs it, because she and I live on entirely different planets.

But we are visiting her for Christmas, and the idea of being without Internet access on my laptop for a full week makes me break out in hives.

So I thought, "Oh, hey, I'll just get a mobile broadband card thing."

AM I MISSING SOMETHING? Why is this so hard and/or expensive? Every option I've found from phone carriers require ridiculous contracts. No, AT&T, I'm NOT going to sign up for ANOTHER contract from you, I'm fine with the one I already have for my phone, thanks.

The ones that don't require contracts are pricey, because you have to buy the USB modem thing, and those seem to cost between $200-$300.

I've seen rental options -- where you can rent the USB modem thingy for however long you need it, and those options still end up costing around $200. FOR A WEEK.

My friend who works in the mobile industry recommended I try Cricket, but that service isn't available in either my zip code OR my sister's.

So it seems there isn't an option for me. Short of borrowing someone else's, there's no cheap way to get wifi for a couple weeks. Seems very weird to me.

Lastly, I thought -- oh, you know? I could just use my iPhone the whole time...I wonder if there's a keyboard available for it. See, I don't mind using my phone to get email or read websites, but I hate writing emails back from such a limited keyboard, and I certainly can't blog from that tiny thing. But no, such a thing doesn't exist yet.

Oh well. I guess I can always take my computer to Starbucks...

Labels: mobile broadband can kiss my ass, Thanksgiving centerpieces, thanksgiving tablesetting

What was the over-under on my completing NaBloPoMo? I was doing well there for a long while, yeah? But also, weren't those posts kind of lame? ( Don't answer that.)

I'm using the baby as an excuse. But also? I finished my Christmas shopping. So neener, neener.

I need to figure out some computer equipment and wait until Eve naps to be able to bring you this Very Special Thanksgiving Post, but for at least one of you, I hope it will be worth it. Either that, or it will confirm that I have officially lost my mind.

Yesterday, I realized that The Hallmark Channel had started on its Christmas Movies from noon to midnight jag, and I accidentally saw parts of two movies that I cannot believe exist. The first was called Smoky Mountain Christmas and starred -- yes, starred -- Dolly Parton. I think she was supposed to be a music star, and then there were seven orphans of varying ethnicity and a witch(??) and I'm pretty sure the story was loosely based on Snow White. I don't know what to do with any of that.

Then later there was a movie called Meet The Santas and I only caught a few moments of it, but apparently it's a SEQUEL, not kidding, and there's Steve Gutenberg (hair dye? plugs? a little lift?) and Crystal Bernard (nose job, lips, hair extensions) PLUS a very masculine-looking Mariette Hartley attempting a southern accent. So, yeah.

I wanted to follow up with you guys about my Thanksgiving plans.

Ms. txsjewels: I think your stuffing add-ins sound awesome, but I have a couple questions and I can't figure out how to contact you. Please email or FB or IM me!

Ms. bzh - you were right on the money with those napkin rings you suggested:


I love them, and the seller agreed to work with me to get them here by tomorrow. (Twigs and berries!) But for real, they're grapevines, which seems appropriate for our location.

All of your suggestions have been helpful and I'll let you know what all ends up getting put together. I gathered a crazy assortment of potential centerpiece-y things and I'm still not 100% sure where I'm going with it all...

Seriously. Those are some damn good responses to my turkey-and-stuffing inquiry. I'm tickled, and will absolutely be using one of the suggestions. Probably the one with whiskey because hi.

This leads me to the next item on my "Hmmmm" list. And that is figuring out how to make the table(s) look beautiful. I mean, I can probably figure something out, but if you have fantastic, pretty ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Of note(?): My table is dark wood, almost black, and I'm not planning to use a tablecloth. My plates are plain white. I have chargers in red. I have a table runner (also red) but I don't think it runs the length of the table while the table is fully extended, which it will be.

So I guess mostly I'm looking for ideas for napkin rings, table decor -- like unobtrusive centerpieces -- place holders, that sort of thing. I'm picturing like, twigs with red berries. Except I don't know where to get twigs with red berries. Napa doesn't have a Michael's or Jo-Ann's and it certainly doesn't have a Twigs With Red Berries store. (Napa DOES have enough wine that it probably thinks you won't notice the table decor, though.)

Labels: making your thanksgiving table look pretty without a twig and berry store

It's 10:15 and I totally forgot that I'm supposed to be blogging.

Also, tomorrow it's Thursday. Which means Thanksgiving is in ONE WEEK. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So rather than post a random photo or two (though I'm tempted), I thought I would ask you to please tell me:

- Where is the best place to get a Thanksgiving turkey?

- What is the best way to prepare a Thanksgiving turkey?

Last year I cooked a turkey for the first time, and after exhaustive research and like, three near-panic attacks, I decided to get the bird from Whole Foods, brine it with a bag and brine from Williams-Sonoma, and roast it according to Alton Brown's instructions (which rely heavily on the use of aromatics).

The result was quite good...


...and I plan to follow the same procedures this year. The only thing I didn't like about last year's bird was that it cooked a lot faster than an un-brined bird would have. Which is fine on the one hand (fast is efficient!), but kind of sad on the other because part of the joy of Thanksgiving is having the smell of turkey wafting through the house all day long. I also think the aromatics didn't get an opportunity to do their thing for the same reason (even though I microwaved them in water to get them going).

Also, I need a better stuffing recipe. I want something with a LOT of flavor that doesn't involve sausage or rely on celery. I have yet to find a stuffing I like better than the stupid Stove Top mix (yes, shutup), even though I've gone to elaborate lengths to try and find a replacement.

Lastly, what do you use to tie/truss the turkey with? This part eludes me. Can someone explain, please?

Labels: how to cook a thanksgiving turkey

Hey! So, by now the winner of my last "She Just Reviews It" review thing and $200 Best Buy gift card giveaway should have been notified, so I will take a moment to say congrats to Miss Thystle. I'm SO pleased that the winner is someone who's been an IIF for a long time, and not just someone who read about this contest on some random web page and then entered and doesn't care one iota about my lack of balance or my boobs the size of my head.

And this means I am now free to direct you to my NEW contest. Mostly you can win an Aquaphor product gift basket (and Aquaphor products ROCK and I believed that pre-free product samples), but you can also win a $100 Visa Gift Card aaaaannnd enter to win a $1000 prize from BlogHer.

So you know, go read the review.

Labels: win things

Tonight's a cappella rehearsal began with a discussion of skinny jeans. The conversation was led by the Loosie who works at GAP. (Not in the stores, mind you; at their corporate offices.)

For the record, skinny jeans is a trend that I have ignored and will continue to ignore until probably forever. LA LA LA JINGLE BELLS I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY BOOT-CUTS, SKINNY JEANS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY.

It's not because I don't have skinny legs. All things considered, I DO have skinny legs. Well, I mean, relatively speaking.

Note: despite that my legs have like, ZERO flab below the thigh, my calves are still somehow giant and I cannot wear 90% boots and it makes me sad. Apparently, ~16" is GIANT.

Remember in the 80s when everyone wore giant tops and leggings and big socks? That worked for me then because I was young and skinny and I could have worn anything anyway.

But today's skinny jeans look is NOT the look of the 80s. Today's tops aren't boxy and 17 sizes too big. (Also, you do not pair them with crimped hair and frosted pink Wet 'n' Wild lipstick.) They are curve-hugging and, well.

The effect of me -- with my excessive top-heavy-ness -- in skinny jeans and an on-trend top would be like...well...picture a bowling ball balancing on a golf tee.

Worse yet if paired with heels.

Labels: boobs the size of my head, i can't wear that

Maybe you really don't care what sort of material possessions I own and love. I would not blame you. But.

As I suggested below in my Gift Guide For Guys, I take gift-buying VERY seriously. (More on this in future issues.)

So I thought I would create a few choice posts about stuff I love, would never want to live without, in a gift-guide-y like way, in case you can use this info to shop for someone this holiday season.

(And if you think these are stupid entries, YOU try writing something every day.)


#1 Thing I Own And Love: Any (And All) Of The Harry Potter Books On Tape/CD, As Narrated By Jim Dale

Let me make two things very clear about this.

FIRST, understand that I never read fantasy. Shameful though you may find this, I've not read The Lord of the Rings, or The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, or any of those I should have.

Perhaps understandably, then, I started the first Harry Potter book three times and just didn't like it, didn't get it, didn't care.

Finally I forced myself through it and got to the end and was like, "Eh."

Then I read the second one, egged on by my ex, and was even less enthused. I just couldn't bring myself to think it page-turningly amazing. Yes, I was mildly curious in how things would eventually go down with old Voldemort, but I wasn't exactly losing sleep over it, either.

But, I allowed my mild curiosity to lead me to the third book. And by the end of that one, I was hooked.

I devoured the fourth, which had come out not long before I started on the whole series, and was miserable when it ended because I couldn't wait for number five.

Oh, and I waited and waited and then -- well, by then I was in San Francisco and with El_Gallo and the day The Order of the Phoenix came out the both of us walked down to Borders on Powell St. and got in line a block away and made our way through the store and purchased two copies and walked home and read them both that weekend.

As maybe a couple of you miiiiiiight remember, number six came out the week before I left one job for another. I took a week off in between, and (quite serendipitously) was able to enjoy The Half-Blood Prince at my leisure.

The final installment came out right before the first annual BlogHer Conference I was responsible for planning, and I waited until the final night of the event to crack it open. What a divine gift to myself, being able to enjoy that when the even was all finished!

The point is, I didn't immediately love the series, but came around and fell in love. It's really something special.

THE SECOND point I want to make is that, regardless of how you feel about the series or books on tape in general, these are A-MAZ-ING. Jim Dale is the narrator and I have never heard anyone like him. He's fun and enthralling and you just want to listen to him tell you these magical stories over and over and over.

Great for trips to the gym. Great for long car rides. (I discovered these when I bought the first four books on tape for my car drive across the country, moving from Connecticut to San Francisco.) Ish didn't think he cared for Harry, either, until I begged him to start over, from the beginning, with Jim Dale as his guide.

Ish was totally converted.


Bottom line: Give them to someone you love, ask for them for yourself. Jim Dale's narration makes it worth it to start from the beginning and get lost in the series all over again.

The whole audio collection is available at Amazon and on iTunes.

Labels: 2009 gift guide, books on cd, harry potter, harry potter books on tape, jim dale, stuff i love

Last year, about half the people I knew emailed me a link to the Straight, No Chaser video. You know, the one of the male a cappella group singing a mixed-up version of The 12 Days of Christmas.

Okay, for those of you who somehow missed this a cappella gem (and I'm really not sure how that would be possible), here it is, sort of:




I say sort of because the version above is from a recent show. The original recording was of a performance they did ten years prior, while at Indiana University.

Regardless, the versions are awesome. And I decided that, if it was possible to get my hands on a copy of the underlying arrangement, I would....and then I hoped that we (our all-female a cappella group) would be willing to try our version of it.

Well, I did. And we are.

Today I spent nearly several hours in an extra rehearsal with The Loose Interpretations working out this very number. And you know? We may not have the charm and appeal of college(esque) boys in tuxedos, but we make a damn good run of it. We've tweaked it to be a little more "us," but I think we do the arrangement proud.

I will try and get a recording of us performing it before Christmas.

Labels: a cappella, a cappella 12 days of christmas